For those of you who know me well, you know that I am someone who has a tendency to worry about everything under the sun. The latest of my concerns is H1N1. Normally the emergence of another flu virus wouldn't be such an issue to me, but given the fact that I am currently responsible for two lives instead of just one, it's weighed heavily on my mind.
I have spent the last few weeks calling around in our area, trying to find a clinic or hospital that has the vaccine available, to no avail. This weekend, I finally met with success! One clinic in our area received the vaccine and I am intensely hoping that I can get an appointment to be vaccinated this week!
I realize that H1N1 is just a flu bug and that it's not the end of the world. In fact, many pregnant women have become ill with H1N1 and have been just fine. While that's all well and good (and I am genuinely happy for all the women who pulled through and are now healthy), I think the thing I fear the most is that either Jonathan or I will get the flu right before I go into labor. If that is the case, one of two things will happen...
If I get sick, then I will be put into isolation away from my baby and won't be allowed to see him. I absolutely cannot bear that thought. If Jonathan becomes ill right before I go into labor, the hospital won't allow him into the delivery room and I will be laboring by myself. I also cannot stand to think about what it would be like to be alone during one of the most challenging experiences of my life.
I realize that I am allowing my mind to go to one of the worst-case scenarios and that I really do need to relax about this whole situation, especially given that Jonathan and I are currently doing everything we can to prevent getting sick ourselves (not touching faces, washing hands/hand sanitizer, etc.), but it is so difficult for me to let go.
As a mother, I know that I won't be able to worry about every little thing or I will be overbearing and overprotective. I want my little boy to grow up and enjoy his childhood. Although I want the best for my son, I want him to have little bumps and scrapes along the way and I want him to learn important lessons that you can only achieve through trial and error. If I don't learn to let go and not to worry over every little thing, how will I ever be a good mother?